Another concept better elaborated on by science in the 3000’s, were those of heaven and hell. Heaven and Hell were proven not to be just ideological concepts, but actually a series of planets where spirits were transported after their mortal deaths on earth. It was not uncommon to see planets that were absolute paradise, though only accessible to those who died, living well and who wanted to go to a particular planet. Somehow, through a VITAS error of security, The Wicked Bitches of the East, South, West and North got through to one of these paradise planets. The Bitches left absolute chaos and destruction in their wake, having set fire to several levels of the VITAS Nexus and having decapitated many vampires older than Christ or Methuselah.
The operation, while devilishly planned and devastating in its nature, had a flaw. Rather than ruin the Paradise of Men Who Like Beer as they had intended, the Bitches came through on the Paradise of Women Who Act Kindly, a mostly male devoid planet indeed. Nevertheless, the Bitches went to work, burning and slicing and sending out flying monkeys alongside other various minions, knowing that even if they were somehow defeated, they could come back, and maybe with the Nexus of the VITAS so damaged, would be able to destroy all paradises.
This particular paradise was based on the beloved Gizzard of Woz story, as luck would have it, and each of the Wicked Bitches became uncomfortably aware of what happened to the witch at the very end. They attacked without mercy and without hesitation. Small 1940’s looking towns were burned, with people still inside. Trees that could talk and sing were cut down without hesitation, their red sap thick and sticky. The Bitches conjured up the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion in wicked parody and marched upon the Bellow Urick Road towards the Sapphire City, and center of the Paradise.
Just when it appeared that all had been lost to the wrath of the bitches, seven people appeared up the road, surprisingly, three of them male dancers sent after the Bitches from VITAS. Judy Garland, Diana Ross, Zooey Deschanel, Idina Menzel, Buddy Ebsen, Jack Haley, and Bert Lahr, all previously associated with Gizzard of Woz works in their own lifetime, now stood to defend what had become their heaven.
The Wicked Bitches, unable to match the Jitterbug the team forced upon them, sent their flying monkeys in a hail to bite and tear the dancers limb from limb. As it was, with hardly a break in step, Zooey clicked her ruby slippered heels three times and disappeared. The others did the same. Enraged, the Wicked Bitch of the North flew high above the Bellow Urick Road and scanned the surrounding countryside madly for those who had dared to challenge her. The three men were far to the north west, beside the city gates, while the women had gone far south, amidst the destruction the Bitches had left in their wake. And still they did their maddening jitterbug, which made the Bitches feel compelled to flee the planet without delay. The witches sent their summoned Tin man, Scarecrow, and Cowardly Lion after women, while they went for the men from VITAS.
Please sign my petition to make August 29th a Michael Jackson Holiday!