The Vampire Dancer Saga: Part 1 – Dancing makes you Buff! 6/22/12

VampireDancer1A fictional tale of dances from the 1900s-2010s

Part 1: Dancing makes you Buff! the 1900s

“Places everyone. Quiet please,” shouted host Bom Tergeron. With that, the judges, KarAnna, Blen & Runo from DWSDS and Ligel Nitchgow & Murph Mare from SYTYCV with special guest judge Triple T Debs took their places at the Judges Table.

Bom said it is time to explain the rules for this very special year 3000 Vampire Olympics that happens every 10 years. This year’s competition included the following categories:

Part 1: Supernatural Protection Skills

  1. Vampire Defense (fending off against wooden stakes, silver, garlic, decapitation)VoodooDancer
  2. Best Power (Witchcraft, Spell, Potion, Premonition or Voodoo Skills)
  3. Strongest Shifter (Mummy, Zombie, Wolf, Ram or Hart)

The 4 teams that make it past Part 1 of the competition will move to Semi-Finals

Part 2: World Transformation

Change the World Events from what originally happened

The remaining 3 teams will compete for the winner of the 3000 Vampire Olympics

StLouis1900cPart 3: World Transformation

  1. Change the World back to the way events really happened

The Winners will receive:

  1. First Place A Black tricked-out Coffin that has special lights for Vampires, built-in TV, DVD, PC, Internet, Mini Kitchen filled with blood vials, Toilet & Shower; they will also receive a Black Voodoo Doll Head with Special PowersCoffin7
  2. 2nd Place A Purple mini version of a Rhinestone Coffin, this one only has a built-in TV
  3. 3rd Place A Wooden mini-coffin filled with blood vials, including AB, A, B and O.

The winners from 2090, the Collins (LaBelle, Jack, Ed, Lisa and Barnaby), were on hand to pick the Location and Year for this year’s competition.

LaBelle took the mic and announced that the Year will be 1900 and the Location will be St. Louis, MO. Each team had 1 hour for each competition (Vampire Defense, Best Power and Shifting), with 10 TrekCaptainsminutes to prepare for each challenge.

First each team has a 10 minute limit to use their Best Power to shift them into the time and place for the event. Once they arrive, they must “Glamour” the location so that no ordinary citizens can view the guests from the future.

After all judges and audience members have teleported there to view, then each team can start the first competition – Vampire Defense.

The Judges will eliminate 1 of the 7 teams during the 10 minute intermission using a combination of their scores and the audience votesMarilyn3
The remaining 6 teams will now compete in the Best Power competition.
The Judges will eliminate 1 of 6 teams during the last 10 minute intermission.
The remaining 5 teams will now compete in the Strongest Shifter competition.
The Judges will eliminate 1 of 5 teams after the Shifter competition.
The remaining 5 teams will go to the Semi-Finals.

TwilightTo ensure that there would absolutely be no CHEATING, a special enforcement team of Super Witches will oversee all Glamour, potions, spells, voodoo and seeing past and future events. Just, then very charming ladies took the stage. LaBelle said, “May I present our Special Witch Police for the Vampire Olympics: Meddling Granny, Prunes, Pippa, Feeble and Pageant! Don’t these ladies look charming?”

The crowded went wild with excitement, especially since Meddling Granny and Prunes had not died in the Alternate Universe.

Bom said, “Let the 3000 Vampire Olympics competition begin!”Charmed

The 7 Teams passed the Torch from team to team and then Bom lit the cauldron with the torch flame.

Bom said, ‘I am proud to present this year’s competitors. Please give a warm welcome to the following teams.”

Each team came out 1 by 1 and was applauded loudly by the crowd:

  • Mutant Weirdoes (SunniHell, CA)
    Buff Dude (Vampire vanquisher)
    Angela (Vampire)
    Zanadu (Glamour dancer)
    Will Potter (Male witch from London)
    Wiz (Werewolf)Buffy1
  • Diary of the Mad Vamps (Thinspace 5, VA)
    B’Lanna (Glamour dancer)
    Demon (Googly eyed Zombie)
    Satan (Wimp Vamp)
    CatTwin (B’Lanna from the Alternate Universe, also a dancer)
    Batty (Witchcraft)
  • Turd Blue (Temptations, LA)
    Snookie (Bitch Witch from New Jersey)
    Pelvis (Elvis from the Alternate Universe, Pelvic dancer)
    Jake Brickhouse (Womanizer)
    RuPaul Fayette (A vampire that can shift to man, woman or mixture of both)
    Sara Thor (Voodoo Dancer)
  • Le Monsters (New Orleans, LA)TrueBlood2
    Grandpa Jacob (Vampire)
    Edward (Werewolf)
    Hermes (Frankenstein)
    Lila (Bride of Frankenstein and Witch)
    Marla (Marilyn Monroe from the Alternate Universe, Glamour Dancer)
  • Spare Tracks (Railroad Captains from the Future)
    Cisco Ten (Emits prophets of past or future events)
    Picky John (Borg, Can seduce any woman or man)
    Bill Fatner (Can smash vampires by sitting on them)
    Copy Hipburns (Glamour Dancer)
    Archie Dracula (Leaps while Ruining Cult Favorites)VampireDiary1
  • Butchers & Bakers (Jackson, MS)
    Big Daddy (Butcher)
    Granny Smith (Witch)
    Aunt Ethel (Country Cooking & Potions)
    Dolf Jr. (Werewolf)
    Sherry (Glamour Dancer & can Freeze Time)
  • The Braden Hunchbacks (Notre Dame, IN)
    Mitchell Braden (Wife Beater)
    Caroline Braden (Witch)
    Jane Braden (Can Freeze Time)
    Cynthia Braden (Can see past & future events)
    Alyce Braden (Glamour Dancer & can Move Items)

Then Meddling Granny announced that it was time for each team to use their Super powers to take their team back iBrideFrankensteinn time to St. Louis, MO in 1900.

Team Butchers & Bakers were the first team to arrive in St. Louis. They had an advantage since Big Daddy had family there in town. So they were quite familiar with the town and townsfolk. Granny Smith laughed as she saw the ladies of that time wearing those God-awful heavy dresses. She remembered wearing those dresses how hot they were during the summer. Big Daddy and Granny visited their relatives, who taught them a quick dance. The dance will come in handy during the competition because it was from the 1900s.

The Glamour Dancers and Voodoo Dancers from the other teams were planning to use dances from the 1900s as well to impress the judges. They studied from Loie Fuller and other dancer greats who taught them Ballroom and Tango dances.

TangoEach team can get 2 extra points for great dancing skills shown during each 3 parts of the competition. So dance was very important if you wanted to win.

The first team, Le Monsters, took the stage to show off their Vampire Defense Skills. This team had been around the longest but their killings skills were campy, old school and stale. Then it was time for the Mutant Weirdoes. This team had actually set the pace for any other Genre Team that followed. The Collins, Charming Special Witch Police and Diary of the Mad Vamps had all copied and imitated their style to become cult favorites.

The Mutant Weirdoes had a special skill of “Trash Talking” and using a certain slang and cracking jokes whilst vanquishing the vampires. They easily won the Buffy ParkVampire Defense Competition.

The worst team in Vampire Defense was The Braden Hunchbacks. There was too much bickering during the Vampire Defense, with Jane shouting, “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha” while she froze time. Then they had the nerve to try to vanquish a vamp while posing on a staircase. That move was so out of style from 1969. They were loudly booed as they were eliminated and thrown out.

Next came the Best Power Competition. The Turd Blue team Elvis2showed a fantastic tree offering and transformation into a Dionysus-worshipping Maenad. The crowd went wild and the ratings soared for their sponsor GoHoBos. The ladies in the audience swooned when Pelvis sang the song “Bad Things” and transformed it to a chant for Snookie, “I want to do real bad things to you.” The ladies just loved hearing him say, “Snookie” in that sexy, Deep South twang.


The Spare Tracks team did awful in the Best Power category. They tried to transform an audience member into a Borg by chanting, “Resistance is Futile.” But the audience member was listening to music from their IPod so the transformation did not work.. So the Spare Track team members begin turning on each other and shouting insults like, “Bill why didn’t you sit on that vamp and smash him. Archie why didn’t you leap into that into audience member and pretend to be a Borg? Way to go Archie, you have lost all of our cult followers now!” The crowd booed “Beam them up Snotty” as the team teleported away from the competition.Janeway

The final category was Best Shape Shifter. The Diary of the Mad Vamps team easily won this category. They shifted into their versions of doubles from the Alternate Universe. But not only that, they conjured the St. Louis Arch fromborg the year 1967, since the competition was held in the same location, but it hadn’t been built yet. To top that off, they showed the judges a time relapse movie of the Arch as it was being planned from a model from 1947 to 1963. Then they showed a mirror image of the 1967 Arch next to the 2067 Arch. The judges gave them extra points since the Arch from 2067 was copper, not green. The crowd went wild when they saw the Arch. The Diary of the Mad Vamps easily won the Best Shape Shifter category.

The ending order of the Teams for the 3 categories were:

  1. Diary of the Mad Vamps, 1st placeArch
  2. Turd Blue, 2nd place
  3. Mutant Weirdoes, 3rd place
  4. Butchers & Bakers, 4th place
  5. Spare Tracks, 5th place
  6. Braden Hunchbacks, 6th place
  7. Le Monsters, 7th place

The remaining 4 teams were very proud that they will be moving on the Semi-Finals of the Vampire Olympics.

Angela from the Mutant Weirdoes Team shouted, “Let’s get Ready to Rumble for our next Vampire Olympic Showdown in St. Louis!”

Oz Park

Brady Vampires

The Vampire Dancer Saga is coming soon to Amazon and Barnes and Noble (ISBN 9781477142172, July 2012)

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Now is your time to Join the Conversation! Comments, questions, concerns, controversy, rebuttals, tributes, blog suggestions, guest bloggers, etc., are all welcome!

Don’t miss Part 2 (Dances of the 1910s) coming soon.

What is your favorite memory, visit or image of St. Louis, MO?

The Vampire Dancer Saga: Part 10 – Dancing with Wolves 6/17/12

VampireDancer1A fictional tale of dances from the 1900s-2010s

Part 10: Dancing with Wolves, the 1990s

Voodoo expert Granny Smith lived long enough to see her grandson Dolf grow up in St. Louis. Dolf took great pride in teaching his sons, Lance, Regent and Dolf Jr., how to be a man. He made sure his sons took boxing lessons and that above all, they protected the women in the family.

Granny was so impressed with her grandson Dolf, that she created a special gift for his sons. She gathered the blood of a wolf, ram and hart. She created Macarena1special voodoo dolls and did a spell that will ensure each great grandson had a special gift on their 21st birthday.

It was Dolf’s 21st birthday but little did he know, his favorite niece Shawntay, had planned a surprise birthday party for her favorite uncle Dolf, after they returned from a Dance Audition at the St. Louis Dance Grandstand show.

Hip Hop1Shawntay and her best friend, Popcorn and favorite cousin TayLynn watched the show every Saturday night. They would dance along to the dancers on the show and learn great moves for the Macarena and Hip Hop dancing.

Shawntay was just pulling up to her mom’s house, Sherry, to put out Uncle Ben’s favorite foods for the party. He loved to BBQ and also enjoyed his wife Brenna’s special version of country ribs, greens and cornbread. Most of the other family members had arrived early for the party to help with the food and decorations. Tam, TayLynn’s mom made a great Rum Cake. Dolf’s sister, Gia made Liver & Onions and Hip Hop3Kandy made Brisket for the party. Sister Sherry made her famous Chili.

Popcorn, TayLynn & ShawnTay had on their best outfits and make up for the audition. They taught the family members how to do the Macarena before leaving. They said, “Don’t start the party without us, we’ll be back in 1 hour to surprise Uncle Dolf.”

Devil DogWhen they came back in 1 hour to tell the family the good news that they won the audition, they noticed several dogs circling their car. The dogs barked and growled at them and scared the 3 girls from getting out of the car. These wore not regular dogs. These dogs had red eyes and looked devilish and demonic.

Just then, Uncle Dolf pulled up. He noticed the dogs harassing the girls but right then he felt a strange feeling. He was so angry at the dogs and did not understand why the dogs did not want the girls to get out of their car.Dog Family Tree

The blood was pumping in Dolf’s veins and he got so angry that all of a sudden he felt very, very strange. He noticed hair growing rapidly on his arms. His mouth felt weird like his teeth were being reshaped.

The girls looked at Uncle Dolf and began screaming, Uncle Dolf is turning into a big, bad wolf!

After the transformation was complete, Uncle Dolf began fighting the dogs. He tore each dog in half until they were all dead.

Wolf fighting DogA funny thing happened, after each dog was dead, their bodies suddenly disappeared.

Just then a strange lady came out of nowhere. She also had the red eyes and demonic look. She screamed at Dolf and the girls and said, “I told your Great Grandma to never come to St. Louis!”

They looked up and saw Granny Smith running out of the house. She said, “Back off bitch!  Caroline, I told you that we will meet again in St. Louis!” Hop4
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Macarena3Don’t miss Part 5 (Dances of the 1940s) and Part 8 (Dances of the 1970s) coming soon.

What was your favorite dance or dancer from the 1990s?

The Vampire Dancer Saga: Part 3 – Le Hot Jazz Dancer 6/10/12

VampireDancer1A fictional tale of dances from the 1900s-2010s

Part 3: Le Hot Jazz, the 1920s

The young kids are scared of Granny Smith. They think she is a witch. After all, she did practice voodoo back in New Orleans. Granny keeps an eye on all the kids in the Big House and the little Shack in Jackson, Mississippi. She noticed the negro sharecropper kids playing with the former master’s kid after dinner. Granny knows that the negro kids should not be getting too close to the white kids. After dinner the kids get together and dance and play. One night she saw the boy, Greggy, kissing her oldest granddaughter Leana. She warns Leana, “Negros cannot mix with whites. Be careful or something bad will happen!”Plantation

Former slave owner Mr. Braden confronts his son Greggy and slaps Leana, after he found out they were kissing. This pisses off Granny. She casts a voodoo spell upon the Braden Family, using blood from a vampire bat, to ensure that their next born child will be a vampire. Granny is also a midwife for Mr. Braden’s wife, Caroline, who is 9 months pregnant, so she has been slowly dosing Mrs. Braden with the vampire bat blood.

Sharecropper1Big Daddy Baker is close to Mrs. Braden. He often does special chores for her after he is finished in the fields. Big Daddy’s wife, Rosa, passed away 10 years ago. Mrs. Braden has acted as a fill-in mother for Big Daddy’s girls. Caroline is from New York. She met Mitchell Braden in New York when she was dancing at the Ziegfeld’s Follies. Mr. Braden has a very mean spirit. He discouraged Caroline from dancing and swore that he would beat her if her every caught her Voodoo Dancerdancing again.

That did not keep Caroline from doing what she loved the most – dancing. She would often teach the kids all of the popular dances of the day, such as the Charleston and Black Bottom. Granny also loved dancing and taught the children the Cake Walk. She encouraged the 3 girls to dance and they loved dancing. The girls wrote letters to their cousin Phina Brown in St. Louis. Phina danced in a vaudeville show and was on her way to visit her cousins and Uncle Baker before heading to New York to audition for the Cotton Club.

When Phina arrives at the plantation and she shows her cousins her version of the Charleston. The girls love her fancy costumes and vow to become a dancer Charleston2one day too. She tells them to meet her in New York one day because she will be a famous dancer. They laugh at her dream and joke that she will fail the audition and have to move back to St. Louis. Phina does a really wild version of the Charleston. She is dancing so hard that her blouse falls off. Granny calls her “fast” but little did she know that one day her niece will become popular for dancing with her blouse off.

Before Phina takes the train to New York, she hears Granny calling for help, “Mrs. Braden is in labor! Come and bring me some hot water, gal!” Phina brings the hot water just as Mrs. Braden is about to give birth. The baby comes out and both women gasp! “This baby is too brown to be a white baby,” says Granny. She wraps the baby so that only the eyes show before presenting the baby to Mr. Braden.Charleston4

Mr. Braden finally sees his new baby girl. He notices how brown the baby is and questions his wife. She concocts a story about being in the sun too long and passing down a “tan” to the baby. Little does Mr. Braden know at the time, Big Daddy Baker and Mrs. Braden have been having an affair for many years.

Big Daddy asks to see the baby and Mr. Braden gets suspicious. The men exchange words and began fighting. Mr. Braden accuses Big Daddy of sleeping with his wife. He tries to grab his gun, but before he can get it, Big Daddy hits him with a fireplace poker. Mr. Braden has a lot of blood and Big Daddy is not sure if he is dead.

Charleston3Caroline hears the commotion and asks Granny what is going on. Granny tells them about the fight. Big Daddy tells Granny they are moving out that night. Caroline wants to know where they are moving. She vows to meet up with Big Daddy one day.

Their last words were: “Meet me in St. Louis.”




For more Dance Gossip & Goodies, check out my book, "Learn to Belly Dance Textbook" available at and Barnes & Noble :

Now is your time to Join the Conversation! Comments, questions, concerns, controversy, rebuttals, tributes, blog suggestions, guest bloggers, etc., are all welcome!

Don’t miss Part 2 (Dances of the 1910s) and Part 4 (Dances of the 1930s) coming soon.


What was your favorite dance or dancer from the 1920s?