The Vampire Dancer Saga: Part 9 – Miss Vampire America dances to win the Crown, 6/24/12

VampireDancer1A fictional tale of dances from the 1900s-2010s

Part 9 – Miss Vampire America dances to win the Crown, the 1980s

“Hurry up Gia! You don’t want to miss my mom’s piano lesson. We have to finish on time so we can practice our dances for the contest,” said Vanilla. Gia and Vanilla were best friends at Syracuse University. Gia was visiting Vanilla the week before they were due to compete in the Miss Vampire America contest. Gia had won the state contest in Missouri and Vanilla was representing New York.

This was Gia’s first time in a national contest so she was surprised at how friendly the other contestants were. This year’s pageant would feature 13 unlucky competitors. Gia and Vanilla met 10 competitors one night at a pool party 2 days before the big contest:
Creep KampvandMJ Smooth
Susie May
Lynda Savage
Die U-British
Savvy Gavvy
Disgusting Bette
Vivid Wolf
Suzy Can’t Pass Up
Suzy Charlene Backstab
Marla Shrivel

MC HammerThey joked around, had some Margaritas and told everyone which dances they planned to do for the Dance Competition of the contest.

Vivid was going to show her best Cabbage Patch dance moves. Disgusting said she was the queen of the Moonwalk. Both Gia and Marla had the ability to see past and future events. So Marla bragged that one day she will marry The Running Man. Savvy liked doing the Roger Rabbit, Slam Dancing and the Sprinkler. While Vanilla admitted to doing the Robot and the Worm when no one was watching. Each lady took a turn showing off their favorite dances.

But when it was Gia’s time to demonstrate the Electric Slide, she accidentally “glamoured” instead.MJ Moon2

Gia began predicting future events during the glamour dance and since Marla was so near their combined supernatural abilities combined and shifted the 12 ladies into an Alternate Universe.

They looked around and noticed they were in a kitchen watching a woman cook some very Soulful Food. The lady’s arm caught on fire and Vivid was the first to react and help her. Fat Momma said, “You feel right at home in this kitchen Vivid”. Vanilla got mad at Vivid because she just remembered when Vivid stole her man. Vivid decided to stay in Fat Momma’s kitchen and told the remaining 11 to press on.

BettyNext they glamoured into a tiny house in New York. There was a crowd of people in the room, including Ignant, Hildy, Justy, Marko and Danny Meed. Savvy Gavvy screamed and shouted to Ignant, ‘Don’t you molest me one day in the Wistful Lanes, you pervert!” Then Danny told Hildy she was not qualified to apply for the secretary position. Disgusting stepped up and said, “I will make a great secretary for you one day Danny.” Marko cracked, ‘I’m a good secretary too, as long as I don’t have to work for people like Vanilla!” Disgusting Bette decided to stay and help Danny, but urged the remaining 10 to press on.

Then the ladies were teleported to a beautiful suburban street in the Wistful Lanes. They saw For Sale signs on 5 of the houses on the block. Just for fun, Creep Kampvand, Susie May, Lynda Savage, Die U-British and Savvy Gavvy picked out their favorite house. Just then, Happy Leo and his handsome husband Bob Hunt ran out and passed out mortgage contract offers to the 5 ladies. But then Marla had another prediction that Die U-British will get killed off and Vanilla was going to end up with her house anyway. So DieDesperate told the remaining ladies to press on as they planned to stay behind and be very, very Desperate!

Gia, Vanilla, Marla, Suzy 1 and Suzy 2 were now in Gary, IN. They were watching the Jackson 5 sing at Motown Records. Suzy Can’t Pass Up started helping the J5 with choreography steps and costume ideas. Gia told Vanilla that she will portray Suzy 1 in a movie one day. Suzy 1 said she needed to stay J5behind and help the Jackson 5, but told the remaining 4 to press on.

Suddenly Gia, Vanilla, Suzy 2 and Marla were teleported to Detroit, MI. But they felt like they were shrinking at the same time they were being teleported. They found themselves in a Dollhouse that was beautiful, but not functional. The refrigerator had fake food. The toilets did not have water and did not flush. The computers were only plastic, except for the CD on the computer desk. Just then a man burst in the room and said, “Give me that CD, or there’s going to be TROUBLE!” The ladies screamed because this man looked like half robot and half cop and his arm was a machine gun. Only EraserVanilla had the courage to slide up the computer table and hide the CD in her purse while she tried to distract the RobotKopper. Then Eckels came into the Dollhouse and explained how the Witness Protection for Vamps had the ability to shrink people so they can hide them in a Dollhouse. Gia told Vanilla that she had another prediction that one day Eckels will end up with her man Foxy Ricky. Eckels said, “Fear not ladies. I have another way to protect you from the RobotKopper. I will teleport you Robocopto Exterminators of the Future!” Eckels transformed into an Exterminator right in front of the ladies, then she glamoured them to go to LA.

By this time, it was the day before the Miss Vampire of America contest and Suzy 2 was getting nervous about making it back in time to compete. Eckels, said it will only take a few minutes for her to find the mystery contestant, Sara Cunning so she could teleport her safely to the contest. Then the ladies noticed a very handsome and muscular man. Marla shouted, “Back off bitches. This one is mine!” Marla asked the Sexy man his name and he said, “I’ll be Back!” They asked Eckels who was that sexy man that had on the same Exterminator outfit like hers. Eckels said, “He is the Governator the first and original Exterminator”! They heard Sara screaming and before they knew it, the Governator killed her. Suzy 2 laughed and said, “One less person to compete again in the contest!” Gia reminded Suzy 2 that a mystery contestant can be replaced by anyArnie competitor’s relative, even if they are from the same state. Marla announced that she was going to Stand By her Man and stay in California with the Governator; even though he was caught having sex with the maid. Before Marla left, she told Gia her prediction that Gia’s sister, Sherry will replace the mystery contestant.

Gia glamoured everyone back to the pageant just in time to complete. Conniving Suzy Charlene Backstab was determined to win at any cost. She got on her PC and photoshopped Vanilla’s head onto the body of a nude woman, then gave the nude “photoshopped” photos to the judges the day before the contest.

Each contestant performed their best song and dance during the competition. Sherry, Gia’s sister was the worst dancer of all. She performed a Belly Dance, but dropped her finger cymbals during the dance. She vowed to come back the next year and try harder.  Gia predicted that she will win next year, which she did.

Bom Tergeron announced the esteemed judges before crowning the winner. Please welcome our judges:
Okra BelfryDollhouse
Terry Pliers
Triple T Debs
Margo Derek
Dulla Plaudool
Pinky Jade
Mob RaShell
Laz Burman

Sherry noticed that the judges were her favorite TV and movie producers, dancers and directors. She planned to contact them about producing her book into a movie or TV show one day: Hint, Hint!

Bom was ready to announce the winners. “Our 4th runner up is Sherry. Our 3rd runner up is Gia.”

TerminatorThen Vanilla & Suzy 2 held hands, as they knew that one of them was about to be crowned Miss Vampire America.

Bom announced that the new Miss Vampire America is: Vanilla Willis!

The crowd went wild, as Vanilla was the first African American to win Miss Vampire America.

Suzy 2 got mad and snatched the mic from Bom, “Hold on everyone. I believe the judges have some very interesting photos of Vanilla.”

The judges looked at the fake “photoshopped” photos and announced that Vanilla had to give up the crown.MJ Thriller Suzy 2 snatched the crown from her head and started shouting, “I won, you lost!”

Gia told Vanilla, “That is okay. Don’t worry about it. You are going to be a very famous singer and actress one day. You will have very many top songs, win awards and do many great TV shows and movies. Your upcoming success will overshadow this day completely”.

Then Gia told Sherry, let’s go home. Sherry said, I agree, “I’ll Meet you back in St. Louis.” Moon1
Janet Jackson
For more Dance Gossip & Goodies, check out my book, “Learn to Belly Dance Textbook” available at and Barnes & Noble :


VanessaNow is your time to Join the Conversation! Comments, questions, concerns, controversy, rebuttals, tributes, blog suggestions, guest bloggers, etc., are all welcome!

Don’t miss Part 5 (Dances of the 1940s) coming soon.

What was your favorite movie, song, dance or actor from the 1980s?

To order additional copies of this book, contact:
Xlibris Corporation

115 comments on “The Vampire Dancer Saga: Part 9 – Miss Vampire America dances to win the Crown, 6/24/12

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